NFL Picks, Week 13

For entertainment purposes only. Picks are against the spread, straight up winners are in bold.

Cincinnati (-1) over Baltimore (W, 13-7)
New England (-13.5) over Detroit (L, 28-21)
New Orleans (-7) over San Francisco (W, 34-10)
San Diego (-6) over Buffalo (L, 24-21)
N.Y. Jets (pick) over Green Bay (W, 38-10)
Minnesota (+9.5) over Chicago (L, 13-23)
Kansas City (-5) over Cleveland (L, 28-31)
St. Louis (-6.5) over Arizona (L, 20-34)
Tennessee (+7.5) over Indianapolis (W, 20-17)
Washington (-2) over Atlanta (L, 14-24)
Oakland (-3) over Houston (L, 14-23)
Miami (pick) over Jacksonville (L, 10-24)
Pittsburgh (-7.5) over Tampa Bay (W, 20-3)
N.Y. Giants (+3.5) over Dallas (L, 20-23)
Denver (-4) over Seattle (L, 20-23)
Carolina (-3) over Philadelphia (L, 24-27)

Against the Spread

LAST WEEK   8-  8- 0  .500
TO DATE    78- 90- 8  .466
THIS WEEK   5- 11- 0  .313
SEASON     83-101- 8  .453

Straight Up

LAST WEEK  13- 3  .813
TO DATE   111-65  .631
THIS WEEK   7- 9  .438
SEASON    118-74  .615

Tags: Football NFL Picks odds

I told you I could do this all day

At the end of last night’s post about the Leominster woman arretsted in Fitchburg because she threw a hot dog at a police cruiser, I suggested I could make up alliterations to describe the act all day.

So I have. Here’s what I have so far:

• frank flinging females
• weiner whipping wenches
• sausage slinging sallies
• wurst wielding women
• chorizo chucking chicas
• brat bearing babes
• schnitzel sending sisters
• link lobbing ladies
• kielbasa casting kitties
• dog delivering damsels
• hotdog hurling hotties

Please add additional alliterative allusions (there I go again) in the comments.

Tags: Massachusetts Leominster Fitchburg Police Hot Dog 01453 01420

Fitchburg’s Frank Flinging Felon

Recently Fitchburg got a bad rap, being named as one of “worst places to live in America.” I wonder if having wenches whip wieners at cops make it a better, 0r worse place to live…

FITCHBURG — A city police officer arrested a 36-year-old Leominster woman Saturday after she allegedly threw a hot dog at his police cruiser, according to court documents.

Officer John Haidousis said the “violent action” occurred at a hot dog vendor’s outside Partner’s Pub, on South Street.

“While I was sitting inside the car, I heard a female voice by the hot dog truck yell, ‘Hey,’” Haidousis wrote in his police report. “I rolled my window approximately halfway down and looked in the direction of the hot dog truck, making eye contact with a female party.

“… I observed that Ms. (Anita) Seifer was holding a hot dog.”

Haidousis wrote that Seifer then launched the hot dog at his window.

“She looked directly at me, then tore a portion off of the hot dog and whipped it at my cruiser, striking the driver’s side window,” he wrote. “This is a violent action and served no legitimate purpose….”

Seifer is charged with disorderly conduct, assault and battery on a police officer, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, and threatening to commit a crime.

I’d say sausage slinging sallies make it a better place. (I could do this all day, really).

Tags: Massachusetts Leominster Fitchburg Police Hot Dog 01453 01420

Shut up and watch the game!

Just a couple of thoughts for the two cretins sitting behind me at Gillette Stadium last night…

1. My six-month old son enjoys repeatedly banging metal objects to hear the sound. I expect it from him, but even he tires of it after a while. I would expect a couple folks in the coveted 25-54 male demographic to find banging on the aluminum facade behind the last row for three straight hours less self-entertaining. Oh, and I hate to tell you, but the players can’t hear you eight stories above the field.

2. Cat-calling “Urlacher equals Homo” and “Chicago equals Homo” at the Bears fan a couple or rows in front of us isn’t entertaining either. And when the fans around you started laughing when you called out the oddly constructed “Bears equal Homo”… I’m not sure you realized it, but they were laughing at you, not with you.

Tags: Football NFL Patriots Gillette Stadium

“I like Jasmine Guy.”

The Telegram and Gazette is just toying with me now. I’m convinced of it. I present you this morning’s letter to the editor in it’s entirety, without comment:

I like Jasmine Guy. I watch TV almost too much but it is a good time-killer. There are all sorts of programs, including the weather, news and sports. But I also like this TV show, “A Different World.” I watch if for at least a half-hour. I like this gal, Jasmine Guy. She plays the part of Whitley.

I was wondering who she reminded me of. You may not agree, but she reminds me of a young Latin Elizabeth Taylor.

Not bad at all. I believe she has quit TV.

Previous T&G Letters to the Editor:
BREAKING: Election fraud in Auburn
“The sting of unboozed Democrats”
“Why is Mitt Romney ashamed of Massachusetts?”
“hot condiments cause them to be…interested in sex”
Disgust with that nasty Francona grows
It’s that dirty Francona’s fault
T&G reader takes on terrorism
Worcester: the San Diego of the East
Is State Senator Barrios a Bush Crony
Rem-Dawg Debate Rages in Worcester
Jerry Remy has “lost all touch with reality”

Tags: Television Jasmine Guy A Different World Elizabeth Taylor

No Gobbling

Just for the record, anyone who asks if you had a “Happy Gobble Gobble Day” is a maroon.

And “Turkey Day” isn’t much better.

Would you (and you know who you are) wish someone a “Happy Ham Day” or a “Happy Oink Oink Day” at Easter? No?

Then I beg of you, please, stick to “Thanksgiving.”

Tags: Thanksgiving Turkey Stupid People Maroons

NFL Picks, Week 12

For entertainment purposes only. Picks are against the spread, straight up winners are in bold.

Miami (-3) over Detroit (W, 27-10)
Tampa (+11) over Dallas (L, 10-38)
Kansas City (-1.5) over Denver (W, 19-10)
Carolina (-4) over Washington (L, 13-17)
Baltimore (-3) over Pittsburgh (W, 27-0)
Atlanta (-3) over New Orleans (L, 13-31)
Buffalo (+3) over Jacksonville (W, 27-24)
Minnesota (-6) over Atlanta (L, 31-26)
NY Jets (-6) over Houston (W, 26-11)
Cincinnati (-3) over Cleveland (W, 30-0)
St. Louis (-5.5) over San Francisco (L, 20-17)
San Diego (-13.5) over Oakland (L, 21-14)
NY Giants (-3) over Tennessee (L, 21-24)
New England (-3) over Chicago (W, 17-13)
Indianapolis (-9) over Philadelphia (W, 45-21)
Green Bay (+9.5) over Seattle

Against the Spread

LAST WEEK   7- 8- 1  .469
TO DATE    70-82- 8  .463
THIS WEEK   8- 7- 0  .533
SEASON     78-90- 8  .466

Straight Up

LAST WEEK  10- 6  .625
TO DATE    98-62  .613
THIS WEEK  12- 3  .800
SEASON    111-65  .631

Tags: Football NFL Picks odds

Leominster’s near flood disaster

Apparently while the city of Leominster slept Friday night, city officials were stationed on bridges watching water levels and hoping that tens of millions of gallons of water wouldn’t come rushing through town. From today’s Telegram and Gazette:

LEOMINSTER– A large log nearly caused a catastrophe in the city Friday when it punctured a dam at the Notown Reservoir, the city’s largest source of drinking water and the highest point in the water system.

“I must have said several hundred ‘Our Father’s’ during the day,” said Patrick LaPointe, director of the city’s Department of Public Works, who feared that the puncture would lead to a general rupture of the dam, releasing millions of gallons downhill toward downtown Leominster….

However, about noon, DPW worker Rick Cormier looked up and noticed a rush of water, about 3 to 4 inches higher than normal, heading toward the spillway.

” ‘What the heck?’ I think that’s what his initial reaction to this was,” said Mr. LaPointe. “There really was no reason for the water coming at them, but it was.”

The workers discovered that a large log — shaped like a telephone pole — had butted up against a dam upstream at Notown, poking open a hole and sending the water downstream.

Downstream meant toward the city’s downtown….

As for the log that caused the problem to begin with, “We would like to get it out of the reservoir to see what it is, exactly,” Mr. LaPointe said. “We have no idea how it got there.” There is speculation that it might have fallen off a truck on nearby Route 2.

So let me see if I get this straight…a log falls off a truck, rolls into the reservoir, and flows to the dam where it pokes a hole in the side? That’s all it might take to drain the town’s drinking supply and flood the downtown, devastating a city of 40,000 and injuring or killing countless residents? And this nearly happened this weekend?

Think about that closely. Think about how slowly water “flows” through a reservoir. Yet that is enough force to thrust a log through the dam? Wow.

I guess I owe an apology to that lady who suggested that “We could have a tsunami” earlier this summer.

The map I’ve created shows the approximate path of the deluge city officials feared.

Tags: Massachusetts Leominster Flood 01453

BREAKING: Election Fraud in Auburn

In a day and age where seemingly every election is tainted by accusations of fraud, we’ve been lucky here in Central Mass. But in today’s Telegram and Gazette, an Auburn voter levels grave accusations of lawbreaking on November 7:

I’m disgusted with the activities and lack of law enforcement that took place in the town of Auburn’s polling place during the recent election. When I went to the polling room, the first thing I noticed was there was no police officer at the door. It seemed strange that something so official has no law enforcement. Then, to the left of the first precinct table there was a woman selling pies….

This is all against Massachusetts law, Chapter 54, Section 69.

This calls for an immediate investigation. Were they sugary “Together We Can” pies? Or the more bitter “Inmates on Kitchen Duty for Kerry Healey” pies?

I took a close look at the law in question:

Section 69. No pie.

Ok, so I’m paraphrasing. But shouldn’t the Secretary of State and the Attorney General get right on this?

Previous T&G Letters to the Editor:
“The sting of unboozed Democrats”
“Why is Mitt Romney ashamed of Massachusetts?”
“hot condiments cause them to be…interested in sex”
Disgust with that nasty Francona grows
It’s that dirty Francona’s fault
T&G reader takes on terrorism
Worcester: the San Diego of the East
Is State Senator Barrios a Bush Crony
Rem-Dawg Debate Rages in Worcester
Jerry Remy has “lost all touch with reality”

Tags: Massachusetts Auburn voter fraud Pie

NFL Picks, Week 11

For entertainment purposes only. Picks are against the spread, straight up winners are in bold.

New England (-5.5) over Green Bay (W, 35-0)
Kansas City (-9.5) over Oakland (L, 17-13)
Indianapolis (-1) over Dallas (L, 14-21)
New Orleans (-3.5) over Cincinnati (L, 16-31)
Pittsburgh (-3.5) over Cleveland (W, 24-20)
Tennessee (+13) over Philadelphia (W, 31-13)
Baltimore (-4) over Atlanta (W, 24-10)
St. Louis (+7) over Carolina (L, 0-15)
Houston (-2.5) over Buffalo (L, 21-24)
Tampa Bay (-3) over Washington (T, 20-17)
N.Y. Jets (+7) over Chicago (L, 0-10)
Miami (-3.5) over Minnesota (W, 24-20)
Arizona (-2) over Detroit (W, 17-10)
Seattle (-4.5) over San Francisco (L, 14-20)
San Diego (+2.5) Denver (W, 35-27)
N.Y. Giants (+2.5) over Jacksonville (L, 10-26)

Against the Spread

LAST WEEK   3-13- 0  .188
TO DATE    63-74- 7  .462
THIS WEEK   7- 8- 1  .469
SEASON     70-82- 8  .463

Straight Up

LAST WEEK   8- 8  .500
TO DATE    88-56  .611
THIS WEEK  10- 6  .625
SEASON     98-62  .613

Tags: Football NFL Picks odds