Can we put the Red Sox away now?

I’m as happy as any other Red Sox fan that the team has gone out and signed one of the best pitchers in the world.

But can we please get on with the rest of our lives, at least until Spring Training begins?

I’m tired of being pounded over the head with Red Sox! Red Sox! Red Sox! every last minute of every day. I want to be able to turn on the news and not have Randy Price or Jack Williams or Natalie Jacobsen talking about the Red Sox. I want to be able to pick up a newspaper and not have every last story on the Sports page be about the Red Sox. I want to watch a Bruins game and not have Red Sox talk during every intermission, Red Sox news at the bottom of the screen every 15 minutes, and Red Sox players dropping the puck before the game.

Thing is, I love the Red Sox. I love lasagna too, but if I had Dr. Charles Steinberg and Larry Lucchino forcing lasagna down my throat every minute of every day, I’d eventually get sick of it. And I’ve about reached the point where I’d do anything to stop having the Red Sox force fed down my throat.

I can appreciate a little good marketing here or there, but what the Sox have been doing since John Henry bought the team has gone past marketing and is more like carpet bombing. For five off seasons now, from the never-ending highly public attempt to trade for Alex Rodriguez, to the never-ending highly public attempts every offseason to trade Manny Ramirez, to the smear campaigns waged against Nomar Garciaparra after he left, to holding a freaking press conference after Johnny Damon left, to dragging the groupies out to Hanscom Field to make it look like the pope himself was landing yesterday, it’s all been about publicity.

Well, I’m tired. Please, let me enjoy the season. And then, when the season is over, let me recharge my batteries so I can root for you again. You wouldn’t ask your players to go at full intensity all offseason, for fear that they would burnout. Don’t ask it of your fans either.

Some of us are just about there.

Tags: Boston Red Sox Matsuzaka

City council raising rates on undrinkable water

The Leominster DPW has asked the City Council to approve a 23% increase in water rates for 2007. As if that’s not bad enough, members of the council won’t even drink the water:

LEOMINSTER– A proposed 40-cent increase in water rates drew lively debate from members of the City Council, as well as some pithy comments from residents who opposed the plan. The increase would raise rates from $1.75 to $2.15 effective Jan. 1.

Joseph Corliss, a former councilor who spoke during the public forum of the council meeting, said he was curious to see that several councilors had bought bottled water from a vending machine nearby the council chambers.

“Why don’t you get your water from a bubbler? [a bubblah! Ha!] It’s probably because you’ve been reading the same reports we have about the water we have,” Mr. Corliss said. He referred to deficiency reports the city has been required to send out about inadequate treatment of the water because of the lack of a treatment plant at one of the city’s reservoirs.

And why are we facing such a high rate increase? Apparently it’s because we’re not using enough water:

During a public hearing on the rate increase, Roger H. Brooks, Department of Public Works business manager, told the council the increase was needed because of declining consumption and pending expenses necessary to comply with the Safe Drinking Water Act, as well as other anticipated increases.

Mr. Brooks said two years of exceptionally rainy weather have caused people to use less water; as a consequence, revenues for the department have fallen. Mr. Brooks said, on average, this region receives about 40 inches of rain. In 2005, it received 61 inches of rain, and so far this year, 54.66 inches.

Now if anything speaks to the inefficiency of government, that is it. In the real world, when supply outpaces demand, the price goes down. But in the city of Leominster, apparently the price goes up. Way up.

Not that I should complain too much. While a 23% increase is significant, I’ll still be paying about one-fifth of what an MWRA customer pays. Maybe I’ll use the money I save on another case of Poland Spring.

Tags: Massachusetts Leominster MWRA Rates

“Oh, The Shops!”

I don’t know about you, but I suddenly have this urge to go shopping in Gardner.

They are no longer just the shops of downtown Gardner. Now, they are The Shops of Downtown Gardner.

In its latest attempt to promote the city’s downtown stores, Square Two, a downtown advocacy organization, is doing a bit of branding. It wants people to think of the downtown businesses as a cohesive unit — not just a disorganized strip of shops with no name, but a quaint, diversified place to browse called “The Shops of Downtown Gardner.”

These Square Two folks have embraced one of the fundamental rules of marketing: There are only three things guaranteed to get people to buy what you’re selling: bears, monkeys, and capital letters. Or something.

“When you refer to something in a different way, it sheds a new light on it,” said Mark D. Hawke, the city’s grants administrator and president of Square Two. “Somebody might say, ‘Oh, The Shops, I might drive through and see what’s down there.’ ”

Oh. The Shops!

Actually, The idea is genius. In fact I may try it. I want my wife to think that the pile of mail that I have to sort through is not just a disorganized mess of letters and magazines, but a quaint diversified collection of items I call “My Pile of Mail.” I’ll bet the next time I walk past the desk, I’ll say “Oh, My Pile of Mail. I might sort through and see what’s down there.”

To be sure, downtown Gardner is not as healthy as the city would like. Some buildings, including the notable former Goodnow-Pearson building, are vacant and boarded up. Other storefront businesses, including a bureau of the Telegram & Gazette, are not retail, which makes them fairly worthless for shoppers walking the streets. …

Still, there is shopping to be had, and a variety of stores line downtown’s few blocks. In little time, a shopper could buy, say, sporting goods, a new watch, children’s clothing and a DVD.

There’s also food, including diners, pizza, a Chinese restaurant and the much-hyped latest addition, the Gardner Ale House. For sweets, there’s a candy-making shop.

I dunno. The Shops at Gardner may inspire folks from Athol or Erving to make the trip, but that won’t be enough to get the Volvo and Lexus crowd to venture outside of 495 for a DVD and a pizza. I’d have gone with The Shoppes at Gardnerville or Ye Olde Gardner Marketplace.

Tags: Massachusetts Gardner Shopping

NFL Picks, Week 14

For entertainment purposes only. Picks are against the spread, straight up winners are in bold.

Pittsburgh (-7) over Cleveland (W, 27-0)
New England (-3.5) over Miami
Kansas City (-3) over Baltimore
Atlanta (-3) over Tampa Bay
Minnesota (+1.5) over Detroit
Tennessee (+1) over Houston
N.Y. Giants (+3) over Carolina
Dallas (-7) over New Orleans
N.Y. Jets (-4) over Buffalo
Jacksonville (+1.5) over Indianapolis
Washington (+1.5) over Philadelphia
Cincinnati (-11) over Oakland
Seattle (-3) over Arizona
San Francisco (-4.5) over Green Bay
San Diego (-7.5) over Denver
St. Louis (+6) over Chicago

Against the Spread

LAST WEEK   5- 11- 0  .313
TO DATE    83-101- 8  .453
THIS WEEK   1-  0- 0 1.000
SEASON     84-101- 8  .456

Straight Up

LAST WEEK   7- 9  .438
TO DATE   118-74  .615
THIS WEEK   1- 0 1.000
SEASON    119-74  .617

Tags: Football NFL Picks odds

Wal-Mart Photo Center: “Bah Humbug!”

Now that we have a child, we decided to break down and get Christmas cards with the kid’s picture to send to everyone this year. So we dressed Jackson up, set him in a little sleigh, propped him up on a TV tray table in front of the Christmas tree, took a bunch of pictures, and sent one to Wal-Mart to get some cards printed.

What an experience that was.

When I get to the photo counter Sunday evening, I give the kid with the floppy blond hair and the conspicuous tongue piercing my name, he searches for my photos, then he tells me that the manager has instructed that they not fulfill my order because the photos look too professional.

I told Slacker McSkaterdude that I was flattered that he thought my pictures looked that good, but that I’d just taken them in my living room the day before. The young man, who despite his appearance took his job very seriously, told me that if I could prove that I took the pictures, he’d let me have them.

I’m not sure exactly the look I gave him, but if the kid could read my face, it was saying “Prove that I took the pictures? You’re kidding, right? And the lisp created by the tongue ring combined with your having to peer out at me from behind your bangs makes it hard to take you seriously.” Showing admirable self-restraint, I asked Master Shaggy how he expected me to prove my photographic skills. He suggested I bring the camera in and show him the image, and he’d let me have the pictures.

I asked for a manager.

The kid started to get a little offended and I assured him that I wasn’t angry at him (except for crimes against fashion) and that I realized that he was just doing his job, but that the whole thing was crazy. He said he understood, and that they’ve been told that they’ll be fired if they let anyone get away with copyright infringement. Then he called Louise Jefferson over to answer my questions.

He explained what was happening and Weezie told me that she wasn’t the manager who had flagged the photos, but that she’d be happy to take a look at them. After inspecting one of the cards for a moment, she agreed that I’d have to prove that they weren’t professional and handed me one.

Weezie, Shaggy and I huddled around the photo like so many Florida election officials examining hanging chads. Luckily, I noticed that I hadn’t cropped out the entire TV tray table, so I pointed it out. Either that was convincing enough, or Weezie was tired of dealing with me, so she finally released my Christmas cards.

You’d think Wal-Mart has more to worry about than keeping me from printing good looking pictures. Maybe I’ll have to print blurry or off-center pics next Christmas to avoid the hassle.

Tags: Massachusetts Hudson Wal-Mart Photo Christmas

NFL Picks, Week 13

For entertainment purposes only. Picks are against the spread, straight up winners are in bold.

Cincinnati (-1) over Baltimore (W, 13-7)
New England (-13.5) over Detroit (L, 28-21)
New Orleans (-7) over San Francisco (W, 34-10)
San Diego (-6) over Buffalo (L, 24-21)
N.Y. Jets (pick) over Green Bay (W, 38-10)
Minnesota (+9.5) over Chicago (L, 13-23)
Kansas City (-5) over Cleveland (L, 28-31)
St. Louis (-6.5) over Arizona (L, 20-34)
Tennessee (+7.5) over Indianapolis (W, 20-17)
Washington (-2) over Atlanta (L, 14-24)
Oakland (-3) over Houston (L, 14-23)
Miami (pick) over Jacksonville (L, 10-24)
Pittsburgh (-7.5) over Tampa Bay (W, 20-3)
N.Y. Giants (+3.5) over Dallas (L, 20-23)
Denver (-4) over Seattle (L, 20-23)
Carolina (-3) over Philadelphia (L, 24-27)

Against the Spread

LAST WEEK   8-  8- 0  .500
TO DATE    78- 90- 8  .466
THIS WEEK   5- 11- 0  .313
SEASON     83-101- 8  .453

Straight Up

LAST WEEK  13- 3  .813
TO DATE   111-65  .631
THIS WEEK   7- 9  .438
SEASON    118-74  .615

Tags: Football NFL Picks odds

I told you I could do this all day

At the end of last night’s post about the Leominster woman arretsted in Fitchburg because she threw a hot dog at a police cruiser, I suggested I could make up alliterations to describe the act all day.

So I have. Here’s what I have so far:

• frank flinging females
• weiner whipping wenches
• sausage slinging sallies
• wurst wielding women
• chorizo chucking chicas
• brat bearing babes
• schnitzel sending sisters
• link lobbing ladies
• kielbasa casting kitties
• dog delivering damsels
• hotdog hurling hotties

Please add additional alliterative allusions (there I go again) in the comments.

Tags: Massachusetts Leominster Fitchburg Police Hot Dog 01453 01420

Fitchburg’s Frank Flinging Felon

Recently Fitchburg got a bad rap, being named as one of “worst places to live in America.” I wonder if having wenches whip wieners at cops make it a better, 0r worse place to live…

FITCHBURG — A city police officer arrested a 36-year-old Leominster woman Saturday after she allegedly threw a hot dog at his police cruiser, according to court documents.

Officer John Haidousis said the “violent action” occurred at a hot dog vendor’s outside Partner’s Pub, on South Street.

“While I was sitting inside the car, I heard a female voice by the hot dog truck yell, ‘Hey,’” Haidousis wrote in his police report. “I rolled my window approximately halfway down and looked in the direction of the hot dog truck, making eye contact with a female party.

“… I observed that Ms. (Anita) Seifer was holding a hot dog.”

Haidousis wrote that Seifer then launched the hot dog at his window.

“She looked directly at me, then tore a portion off of the hot dog and whipped it at my cruiser, striking the driver’s side window,” he wrote. “This is a violent action and served no legitimate purpose….”

Seifer is charged with disorderly conduct, assault and battery on a police officer, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, and threatening to commit a crime.

I’d say sausage slinging sallies make it a better place. (I could do this all day, really).

Tags: Massachusetts Leominster Fitchburg Police Hot Dog 01453 01420

Shut up and watch the game!

Just a couple of thoughts for the two cretins sitting behind me at Gillette Stadium last night…

1. My six-month old son enjoys repeatedly banging metal objects to hear the sound. I expect it from him, but even he tires of it after a while. I would expect a couple folks in the coveted 25-54 male demographic to find banging on the aluminum facade behind the last row for three straight hours less self-entertaining. Oh, and I hate to tell you, but the players can’t hear you eight stories above the field.

2. Cat-calling “Urlacher equals Homo” and “Chicago equals Homo” at the Bears fan a couple or rows in front of us isn’t entertaining either. And when the fans around you started laughing when you called out the oddly constructed “Bears equal Homo”… I’m not sure you realized it, but they were laughing at you, not with you.

Tags: Football NFL Patriots Gillette Stadium

“I like Jasmine Guy.”

The Telegram and Gazette is just toying with me now. I’m convinced of it. I present you this morning’s letter to the editor in it’s entirety, without comment:

I like Jasmine Guy. I watch TV almost too much but it is a good time-killer. There are all sorts of programs, including the weather, news and sports. But I also like this TV show, “A Different World.” I watch if for at least a half-hour. I like this gal, Jasmine Guy. She plays the part of Whitley.

I was wondering who she reminded me of. You may not agree, but she reminds me of a young Latin Elizabeth Taylor.

Not bad at all. I believe she has quit TV.

Previous T&G Letters to the Editor:
BREAKING: Election fraud in Auburn
“The sting of unboozed Democrats”
“Why is Mitt Romney ashamed of Massachusetts?”
“hot condiments cause them to be…interested in sex”
Disgust with that nasty Francona grows
It’s that dirty Francona’s fault
T&G reader takes on terrorism
Worcester: the San Diego of the East
Is State Senator Barrios a Bush Crony
Rem-Dawg Debate Rages in Worcester
Jerry Remy has “lost all touch with reality”

Tags: Television Jasmine Guy A Different World Elizabeth Taylor